I’d like to thank
the Cover Girls Dani and Jax for hosting me today! It’s great to be here!
Today I’d like to
help you get into the holiday spirit by celebrating Christmas trees. Those of you who go through the process of
putting up a Christmas tree know how much work goes into it. Just getting the boxes filled with
decorations out of storage is a chore.
There are almost always entire sections of Christmas lights that don’t
work, and the occasional favorite ornament is to be found in pieces at the bottom
of the box. Some of my worst
experiences, though, come from untangling the light strings that somehow
knotted themselves up while in storage.
Growing up, my dad frequently gifted this task to me since he didn’t
want to do it. I guess I can’t blame him.
These issues are
bad enough, but as a mother of two young boys, I’ve discovered a whole new set
of tree-related challenges. Here is a short
list of the things I find myself saying all too often.
1. “Don’t climb
the Christmas tree!”
2. “Why is the tree
lying on its side?”
3. “Don’t throw
your brother’s shoes into the tree!”
4. “Yes, your toy
firetruck looks lovely as a decoration, but I think it might be too heavy for
the branch it’s on.”
5. “Yes, I know
you want to see presents under the tree, but that doesn’t mean you can steal
and wrap your brother’s favorite toy car.
And no, you can’t wrap your brother up as a present either!”
What holiday
decorating challenges have you faced?
Now I hope you
enjoy a snippet from Self-Help 101 or:
How I Learned to Take Over the World Through Tolerating My Family.
* *
*
“I’m writing a
self-help book about how to achieve world domination.”
Stewart didn’t
look the least bit surprised. He simply
nodded and asked, “Do you think there’s a market for that?”
“I hope so. I don’t know how much longer I can stand
babysitting, and not many places around here are hiring right now.” And those that were tended to be put off by
my personality.
Stewart
smirked. “People trust you with their
children?”
* *
*
Title: Self-Help 101 or:
How I Learned to Take Over the World Through Tolerating My Family
Author: L.G. Keltner
Genre: Holiday/Humor
Length: 27,000
Cover Art: L.G. Keltner
Release Date: December 1, 2015
Blurb:
Dani Finklemeier
has decided to write a self-help book about how to take over the world, but
she’s not sure where to start. After
all, she’s only seventeen and looking for a better way to make money than
babysitting. She buys a self-help book
that promises to teach her how to write a self-help book in the hope of getting
the job done.
Not that it’ll be
easy to get any work done this holiday season.
Her family is staying at the house for Christmas, and fights break out
almost immediately. Dani also has to
deal with the fallout from an unexpected kiss with her best friend Seth and the
feelings that go along with it. On edge
around her family and unsure how to interact with the one person she’s trusted
with everything in the past, she can only take what inspiration she can from
the crazy circumstances surrounding her and see what happens.
One way or
another, it should be an interesting holiday.
Bio:
L.G. Keltner
spends most of her time trying to write while also cleaning up after her crazy
but wonderful kids and hanging out with her husband. Her favorite genre of all time is science
fiction, and she’s been trying to write novels since the age of six. Needless to say, those earliest attempts
weren’t all that good.
Her non-writing
hobbies include astronomy and playing Trivial Pursuit.
Purchase Links:
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