I’d like to thank the Cover Girls Dani and Jax for hosting me today! It’s great to be here!
Today I’d like to help you get into the holiday spirit by celebrating Christmas trees. Those of you who go through the process of putting up a Christmas tree know how much work goes into it. Just getting the boxes filled with decorations out of storage is a chore. There are almost always entire sections of Christmas lights that don’t work, and the occasional favorite ornament is to be found in pieces at the bottom of the box. Some of my worst experiences, though, come from untangling the light strings that somehow knotted themselves up while in storage. Growing up, my dad frequently gifted this task to me since he didn’t want to do it. I guess I can’t blame him.
These issues are bad enough, but as a mother of two young boys, I’ve discovered a whole new set of tree-related challenges. Here is a short list of the things I find myself saying all too often.
1. “Don’t climb the Christmas tree!”
2. “Why is the tree lying on its side?”
3. “Don’t throw your brother’s shoes into the tree!”
4. “Yes, your toy firetruck looks lovely as a decoration, but I think it might be too heavy for the branch it’s on.”
5. “Yes, I know you want to see presents under the tree, but that doesn’t mean you can steal and wrap your brother’s favorite toy car. And no, you can’t wrap your brother up as a present either!”
What holiday decorating challenges have you faced?
Now I hope you enjoy a snippet from Self-Help 101 or: How I Learned to Take Over the World Through Tolerating My Family.
* * *
“I’m writing a self-help book about how to achieve world domination.”
Stewart didn’t look the least bit surprised. He simply nodded and asked, “Do you think there’s a market for that?”
“I hope so. I don’t know how much longer I can stand babysitting, and not many places around here are hiring right now.” And those that were tended to be put off by my personality.
Stewart smirked. “People trust you with their children?”
* * *
Title: Self-Help 101 or: How I Learned to Take Over the World Through Tolerating My Family
Author: L.G. Keltner
Cover Art: L.G. Keltner
Release Date: December 1, 2015
Dani Finklemeier has decided to write a self-help book about how to take over the world, but she’s not sure where to start. After all, she’s only seventeen and looking for a better way to make money than babysitting. She buys a self-help book that promises to teach her how to write a self-help book in the hope of getting the job done.
Not that it’ll be easy to get any work done this holiday season. Her family is staying at the house for Christmas, and fights break out almost immediately. Dani also has to deal with the fallout from an unexpected kiss with her best friend Seth and the feelings that go along with it. On edge around her family and unsure how to interact with the one person she’s trusted with everything in the past, she can only take what inspiration she can from the crazy circumstances surrounding her and see what happens.
One way or another, it should be an interesting holiday.
L.G. Keltner spends most of her time trying to write while also cleaning up after her crazy but wonderful kids and hanging out with her husband. Her favorite genre of all time is science fiction, and she’s been trying to write novels since the age of six. Needless to say, those earliest attempts weren’t all that good.
Her non-writing hobbies include astronomy and playing Trivial Pursuit.
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